In our lessons recently we have looked at elements of performance and how we can improve our early drafts of our performance poem though using various techniques/devices.
Comment on this post an example of how you have changed/improved your poem. This could be a line you have re-written to include a technique or something you have decided to introduce to improve the performance.
You could:
Experiment with changing where a line starts and ends.
Expand the detail (add more descriptive words)
Change or edit words/lines.
Bring in more language devices to develop the use of imagery or rhythm in the poem (ie personification or repetition)
Add punctuation to create certain effects such as a pause.
Think about the actions you want to put into the performance (including facial expressions and gestures)
Due: Monday 14th October 2013
Mr Brown
The children played with the sand =
ReplyDeleteThe sand was an ever changing toy.
I have used a metaphor to improve this section of my poem.
There was thunder and lightening =
Lightning and thunder raged with fury.
This is personification.
Mr Brown
There were viens dropping they looked like teardops they were everywhere
ReplyDeletemetophor
bailey
Heart thumping like the beat of a rapid drum roll
ReplyDeletesimile
lauren power
soft pillow like sand
ReplyDeletesimile
Sonia Parmar
as the golden yo-yo sun slipped back up,the fresh morning dew glistened like shards of glass.
ReplyDeleteKatie bird
vines not viens
ReplyDeleteAs I walked through the forest.=
ReplyDeleteAs I strolled through the forest on a crisp Autumn day...
Shreya
People danced down the streets-
ReplyDeleteMen and women danced down the streets of the Carribian like clouds dancing across the sky.
Millie Lewthwaite-Page
The sun shined in my eyes=
ReplyDeleteThe sun was shining in my brow eyes.
We went swimming with seals and it was as cold as some ice cream.
ReplyDeleteKirsten
dazzling:
ReplyDeleteThe dazzling dimound shone brighter than the sun
i dont think we will ever change = we will change by growing up butr we will always be friend no matter what .
ReplyDeletehumara
it was hot=it was hot, everyone was sweating alot
ReplyDeleteserena
The waves were huge - the waves were shouting and crashing at us.
ReplyDeleteMaddie Stroud
Headache; a constant banging of a drum Metaphors Shannon Rigg
ReplyDeleteI changed: The scariest rollercoaster ever to the rollercoaster death trap.-Metaphor.
ReplyDeleteI improved my poem by adding this line: I was an innocent, lost soul, searching 4 the light. Chanel C.
ReplyDeleteI changed alot of my words for more intresting ones such as 6am in the morning -break of dawn hannah hussain
ReplyDeletedid we get any homework today ?
ReplyDeleteHumaraMajid